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~RaiNb0wGiRliE2:iconRaiNb0wGiRliE2:

Tie  

  • Status: Member
  • General Digital Photographer
  • Female/United States
  • Offline for 3w 2d 4h 39m 3s
  • Deviant since Jan 6, 2005, 7:19 PM
  • 181 Deviations
  • 118 Deviation Comments
  • 55 Deviant Comments
  • 3 Forum Posts
  • 3,598 Pageviews

Thoughtless Babble

Journal Entry: Fri Jan 25, 2008, 3:54 PM
  • Listening to: The Radio
  • Reading: the keyboard
  • Watching: an IM flash at the bottom of the screen
  • Playing: with my hoodie strings
  • Eating: nothing anymore
  • Drinking: nothing yet
I've been seeing everything really different lately. I should be using my camera more than ever during all of this, but I really haven't had the time. Everything has been really distorted through my eyes lately. I really don't know how to explain it. I dont know if its because I have a giant lack of sleep, or if its because i'm stressed, but I have had almost no motivation for anything. My dreams dont help me either. I wake up every morning realizing just how unhappy and hurt I am. I have the happiest dreams, and than I wake up and look around me and realize that all it was was a dream. It's very depressing. How can my own thoughts do that to me?

I've been working at Starbucks for almost 6 months now. I just became eligible for full time benefits. I'm working on getting a second job. I wanna be a color guard coach. I've wanted to be one since i was 15. But I have to buy myself a new car before I even think about another job. My other car, the VW Beetle, is a lost cause and would cost me A LOT of money to repair it. So I was told to just buy another one. It's easier said than done. Everything at one point was really looking up for me. It was working out so well, and for once I felt like my plans and goals were possible. And now, I cant see how any of the plans I have in line will even come close to working.

I miss when smiling came so easy and crying was a rarity. There's so much happening all at once, and I've had to deal with it alone. I never wanted anyone to deal with my problems for me... I just needed someone to be there for support. Someone to hug me and hold me and tell me everything will be okay. Even if they dont believe it. I've had to be strong for everyone around me again. I've had to be the only one that doesnt seem to be bothered by anything. The one thats there for everyone else. When Ma passed away, I said I wouldnt be able to deal with it. That day was the only day someone held me and told me I wouldnt be alone and that I was strong and could do it and blah blah blah. The same bullshit. They were wrong, and I was right. I am alone through it all. I'm not as strong as I pretend to be. When I ask to be held, I either get a half ass hug, or I get told no. I cant deal with it. I was right about that. I dont know how to do all this.

And to top it all off... I know exactly what I want and I've been working so hard for it.. but It just keeps seeming like it will never matter.

Devious Information

  • Current Age: 19
  • Current Residence: No Ho, Cali
  • Interests: photography, movies, music, STARBUCKS, hanging out with my friends, etc.
  • Favourite movie: Anything Scary, Finding Nemo, Rocky Horror Picture Show, Disney, and anything Angelina Jolie..
  • Favourite band or musician: Metallica, No Doubt, Marilyn Manson, Shinedown, Van Halen, and many many many more
  • Favourite genre of music: Anything EXCEPT country *gags*
  • Favourite artist: Amy Brown
  • Favourite poet or writer: JK Rowling, VC Andrews, Stephen King
  • Favourite photographer: Me, lol.. jk
  • Favourite style or digital art: Couldnt tell ya..
  • Operating System: dont know..
  • MP3 player of choice: My iPod
  • Shell of choice: A turtles!
  • Wallpaper of choice: Depends.. I'm always changing it
  • Skin of choice: Mine..
  • Favourite game: The Sims 2
  • Favourite gaming platform: GBA SP
  • Favourite cartoon character: Spongebob, Tigger, Dory, Aurora
  • Personal Quote: You know your in love when you see the world in her eyes and her eyes everywhere in the world.
  • Tools of the Trade: My trusty NIKON

deviantART Notice

Devious Comments

~Baby-Starr:iconBaby-Starr: Jan 31, 2008, 11:35:56 PM Mood: Obsessed
hi!!!!!!!!!!!!
i has come
to leave joo
a commentay
go me!!!
i is so smart!
i lub joo

--
ChIlD pRoOf CaPs HaVe SpOiLeD mY hApPiNeSs!!!
~UnUnPentium115:iconUnUnPentium115: May 23, 2007, 9:28:16 AM
Thank you for the watch and the fave

--
~Alexander Müller~
________________
Freelance Journalist and a Photographer with passion.
*pahness:iconpahness: May 11, 2007, 8:43:53 PM
thanks for the :+fav:, much appreciated :cuddle:
~Jimasso:iconJimasso: May 9, 2007, 11:09:17 AM
Hey
Cheers for the fave :)
You have a nice gallery
J
~red-n-pink:iconred-n-pink: May 9, 2007, 10:35:00 AM Mood: Cheerful
Thanx for the fav, miss :)

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[Believe] [[ :santa: :batman: :jarkorig: :date: ]]

RED AND PINK (SkiTtTtTtLeS)
:spank:
~yoyotcheese:iconyoyotcheese: Apr 6, 2007, 10:57:32 AM
thanx for the fav :)

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Daydream, i dream of you beneath the flowers, for a couple of hours, on a beautiful day.
~babystarr:iconbabystarr: Mar 27, 2007, 12:12:57 AM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!
Go twinkie its your birfday we gonna party like its your birfday!!!
:cake: :airborne: :cake:

--
"Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it. It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for, and the trouble is, if you don't risk everything, you risk even more."
~clarixe:iconclarixe: Mar 11, 2007, 7:16:37 AM
thankyou for the fave :heart:

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BYE.
*schelly:iconschelly: Mar 8, 2007, 9:24:40 AM
HI :)
Thank you for the fav :smooch:
I really appreciate it :)

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>Q "all we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us" >Q
~Chimi-sama:iconChimi-sama: Mar 7, 2007, 3:04:40 PM
thanks for the fav. <3

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asadf<3.
~sided:iconsided: Mar 5, 2007, 9:22:54 AM
Thanks for the fav! :)

--
Visit My Gallery and ~Lisboa-PT
and also :The-Music-House:
=sha2001:iconsha2001: Mar 5, 2007, 12:19:11 AM
:blowkiss:

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Houba! Houba! ;)
=sha2001:iconsha2001: Mar 5, 2007, 12:18:32 AM
:Wave:

thank you very much for the :+fav: on Guitar

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Houba! Houba! ;)
*Asaenath:iconAsaenath: Feb 18, 2007, 12:03:50 AM
Thank you for the fav! :hug:

--
:butterflytwo: Myspace: [link]
:butterflytwo: Prints and other products: [link]
~bllak-birdz:iconbllak-birdz: Jan 21, 2007, 1:30:39 AM Mood: Affection
I dont remember thanking U for the fav+

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*turns into cocaine n flies away*
~~~
~Kaosita:iconKaosita: Jan 14, 2007, 7:00:14 PM
Thank you for the fave! :D

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:raincloud:
Feel so suicidal Even hate my rock and roll { [link] } // { [link]
*Coralay:iconCoralay: Jan 14, 2007, 3:34:01 PM
thak you loads for the fave!
~HermosaG:iconHermosaG: Jan 14, 2007, 2:05:04 PM
Thanks for the +fav!! :hug:

--
A man said to the universe: "Sir I exist!" "However," replied the universe, "The fact has not created in me A sense of obligation."
~Woolf20:iconWoolf20: Jan 14, 2007, 5:22:06 AM
thanks for the fav :)

--
There´s old wave there´s new wave and there is DAVID BOWIE
*Stapic:iconStapic: Jan 14, 2007, 3:14:21 AM
thanks for the fav darling:hug: your gallery is adorable:)

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Love, Katarina:rose:
=XElYX:iconXElYX: Jan 14, 2007, 2:50:21 AM
Thank you for the +fav!

:heart:

--
"...La gioia č una bolla, tesoro
ci gonfia di ebbra ingenuitā
poi scoppia e si perde dovunque nel tempo"
~night-glo:iconnight-glo: Dec 12, 2006, 7:04:19 PM
:blowkiss:

--
She knows the human heart
and how to read the stars
now everything's about to fall apart..
~RedChapelFilmworks:iconRedChapelFilmworks: Nov 11, 2006, 9:39:54 AM
Thanks for the :+devwatch: and the :+fav: on "The Haunted Schoolhouse" [link]
You have a nice gallery,keep up the good work :)
~Baby-Starr:iconBaby-Starr: Nov 7, 2006, 10:21:55 AM Mood: Tender
I love you twinkie!

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ChIlD pRoOf CaPs HaVe SpOiLeD mY hApPiNeSs!!!
~Baby-Starr:iconBaby-Starr: Nov 7, 2006, 10:21:39 AM
I love you twinkie!

--
ChIlD pRoOf CaPs HaVe SpOiLeD mY hApPiNeSs!!!